Memories Are Made of This
by Red Witch
Summary: The X-Men and Misfits remember past incidents where things went wrong. Seems like some things never change! Read and review the hilarity in this completed fic!
1. I Can't Believe I'm Doing a Clip Show

**I can't believe I'm saying that I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters. I was originally gonna work on my next 100 chapter fic. But to tell the truth I don't feel like it right now. So I decided to do this. This takes place right after 'Double Identity'. You've heard of clip shows right? How about clips of stuff you've never seen before? So let's take a trip down memory lane…**

**Memories Are Made of This**

**Chapter 1: I Can't Believe I'm Doing a Clip Show**

"Is it true? Rogue can really touch now?" Kurt asked. It was literally a day after the Acolytes attacked the Institute.

"Yes thanks to that suit Rogue's wearing, but only for a little while," Ororo told him. "She's talking to Remy right now."

"All right! I have to go see…" Kurt began.

"I think she's had enough trouble these past two days," Ororo grabbed Kurt by the collar before he could teleport away. "Now why don't you go help clean up with the other students?"

"Translation: She want's some alone time with the Cajun so screw this up and you'll be one dead elf," Logan walked in and steered Kurt to the living room where the other students were cleaning up. Both Misfits and X-Men were repairing and cleaning up.

"You're taking this well," Kurt blinked.

"Well for one thing Rogue has to wear the entire suit to be able to touch," Logan said in a speech that sounded rehearsed. "And I trust Rogue's judgement."

"Who are you and what have you done to Wolverine?" Kurt blinked. "That doesn't sound like you at all!"

"Storm threatened to fry him if he tried to interfere," Todd said.

"Oh that explains it," Kurt nodded.

"Just get to work," Logan grunted. "I gotta go…Slice something…" He walked away grumbling.

"Can you believe it?" Tabitha said. "Rogue can finally touch someone. Well for a little bit anyway."

"Yeah who would have thought that would ever happen?" Lance said as he brushed away some rubble. "And I mean we've all seen a lot of weird stuff."

"I tell you something," Fred put down a huge chunk of broken wall. "I never thought I'd see the day I'd be sad that this place would get trashed."

"That's only because you didn't trash it yourselves," Ray said.

"Well yeah," Fred said. "You gotta admit we Misfits have a certain sense of style."

"Well it's unique I have to admit," Forge said. "Like that Portable Ocean?"

"Oh and you're such an expert Mr. Dimensional Rift?" Todd said. "You know the one that let all those demons loose?"

"I thought they were dinosaurs?" Tabitha asked.

"No, they most definitely were demons," Ray said.

"No, they were dinosaurs you nitwit!" Roberto snapped.

"Don't call me stupid! They were demons!" Ray shouted.

"I didn't call you stupid, Stupid!" Roberto shouted. "They were dinosaurs!"

"Demons!" Ray shouted back.

"No they were dinosaurs!" Fred shouted. "Or were they demons? I forget."

"Oh god…" Scott winced. "This is even more painful than being captured by Legion."

"The point is that we've all been through a lot of stuff," Jean decided to say something before another argument broke out. "It's been what? About four years since the Institute was started and so much has changed."

Kitty shook her head. "It's so weird how in spite of everything we all got to be friends."

"Speak for yourself," Scott grumbled. "I don't think I'll ever get used to the Misfits!"

"The feeling is mutual Summers!" Lance snapped. "Why don't you just do some work for a change?"

"Look who's talking!" Scott snapped. "You've barely picked up that broom once in the past twenty minutes!"

"Well at least I picked **something** up other than that stick up your…" Lance began.

"You wanna take this outside?" Scott snapped.

"You bet!" Lance growled.

"Yeah go outside and make a mess," Rogue said.

"We have enough to clean up!" Althea said as the two boys left. Soon they felt a small earthquake and sounds of shouting and fighting.

"Then again, some things **never **change," Jean groaned.

"And they're off," Fred commented. "Again."

"What is with those two?" Betsy asked. "I've never seen two boys act like this. Well those that were out of their nappies anyway."

"I thought I could carry a grudge," Tim said.

"Oh this goes **way** back," Kurt waved. "Literally the second day after Kitty joined the Institute. Remember?"

"I don't think I'll ever forget that first day!" Kitty groaned.

"Neither will half the student body," Jean remarked.

"Why? What happened?" Betsy asked.

"Well it all started right after we recruited Kitty," Jean said. "This was before even Rogue and the others joined. It was only Scott, Kurt and I before and Kitty was our fourth student. Now we also met Lance in the same school but he didn't come with us. He ended up going with Mystique. Well we didn't know that then."

"Yeah, I thought I saw the last of him after he destroyed my old high school and nearly killed us," Kitty said. "Boy was I in for a shock…"


	2. When Cyclops Met Avalanche

**When Cyclops Met Avalanche**

A few years ago…

"I'm like so nervous," Kitty said as she went with Jean to get her schedule.

"Well the first day at a new school is always a bit frightening," Jean said. "But don't worry, I'll show you around."

"These past three days have been insane," Kitty sighed. "First I find out I'm a mutant then that crazy Lance shows up and now I'm living in a new town and everything."

"I know, but Bayville High is a pretty nice school," Jean said. "Think of this as a whole new start for you."

"Yeah that's like one good thing," Kitty said as they turned the corner. "At least now I'm as far away from Lance as possible!"

That's when Lance came out of the office holding a schedule. He looked right at Kitty. "Hey Kitty! What's shaking?"

"Lance! Like what are **you** doing here?" Kitty fumed at Lance.

"I transferred," Lance shrugged.

"No surprise seeing that you destroyed your old high school!" Jean snapped. "How did you get here?"

"I made some new friends in high places," Lance grinned. "What? You really didn't think I was gonna stick around and get arrested did ya?"

"I'm warning you Lance, you'd better not…" Jean began when Principal Darkholme walked out the door.

"Problems?" She spoke with an air of authority.

"Oh no," Lance said sweetly. "I was just asking these lovely ladies where my next class was."

"Give me a break…" Kitty muttered under her breath.

"You must be Miss Pryde," Principal Darkholme gave her the once over before handing her a schedule. "I've been expecting you. Here is your schedule. Normally I would take the time to personally welcome you to Bayville High, but I am currently needed…Elsewhere…"

That was when a frog hopped by. "TOLENSKY!" Principal Darkholme shouted. "I can't believe he let them loose **again!**"

"Well then we'd better go to our next class," Jean took Kitty's arm. "Come on Kitty."

"Actually Miss Grey I've decided that these two will have the same study hall this period," Principal Darkholme smiled. "Please escort them. Now."

"Wait…Me, in the same class as **him?**" Kitty looked at Lance in shock.

"Yes now Miss Grey if you please…" Principal Darkholme made a gesture. "I'm sure you will be a more than adequate guide."

"Lead the way," Lance grinned. Jean gave him a look but did so. Lance grinned as they rounded the corner. "You know you have a very nice school here Red."

"Yes, and we'd appreciate it if you didn't turn it into rubble!" Jean snapped at him.

"Well what crawled up **your** tight butt today?" Lance purposely looked at it. "Which I admit must be some accomplishment."

However Scott was getting some books out of his locker and saw this. He stormed over to Lance. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Taking in the view," Lance gave Scott's outfit the once over. "Aren't you late for a Gap commercial or something?"

"Just keep your diseased thoughts to yourself Lance!" Kitty snapped. "You'd better watch your step!"

"I'd rather watch yours," Lance grinned at Kitty.

"Lance? Is this the guy you were telling me about?" Scott asked Jean.

"Scott, it's okay," Jean told him. "I can handle this."

"You better watch your step punk!" Scott snapped at Lance.

"Punk?" Lance cast an eye over Scott. "Who the hell are you? And why do you talk like the teachers?"

"The name's Scott Summers," Scott snapped. "I'm the guy who's going to make sure you don't trash this school like you did your last one!"

"Geeze you make one little mistake…" Lance rolled his eyes.

"Just watch your step," Scott growled.

"Really?" Lance glared back. "And what are you gonna do about it? Look at me to death with those stupid sunglasses?"

"Interesting choice of words," Scott made a motion towards his glasses.

"What is going on here?" Principal Darkholme rounded the corner.

"He wants our lunch money," Lance pointed to Scott. "But I don't have any to give him."

"I don't have time for this! The bell is going to ring any minute for your class so I suggest you make sure you get there on time!" She snapped. Just then another frog hopped by. "And Mr. Alvers, if you happen to see Mr. Tolensky please let him know that I am looking for him!"

"That shouldn't be too hard," Lance said. "All you have to do is follow the smell."

"You have a point," Principal Darkholme groaned. The bell rang. "Disperse!"

"Yes ma'am," Jean said as she pulled Scott away. "Scott what do you think you were doing? You almost used your powers!"

"I was just trying to keep that jerk away from you and Kitty," Scott defended.

"Well good luck with that," Jean groaned. "The Principal put him in the same class with her! And something tells me he'll be in a few of our classes as well."

"Oh great! You know if I didn't know any better I'd think that Principal Darkholme was out to get us," Scott grumbled.

"Scott you're being paranoid," Jean said.

"Maybe but you gotta admit it seems like she takes every opportunity she can to make our lives miserable," Scott said. "She's always looking over our shoulder waiting for any of us to do something wrong. It's almost like she's trying to spy on us."

"Scott, I know Principal Darkholme can be strict but I'm sure that's only because she has a high school to run," Jean put her hand on his shoulder. "Besides if she really was evil or something don't you think my telepathy would have picked it up? Trust me, if there's one skill I have, its being a good judge of character."

"Hey Jean!" Duncan Matthews waved as he was going to his next class. "Meet me for lunch!"

"Sure Duncan," Jean waved. "Love to!"

"All right! Save you a seat babe!" Duncan said as he went the opposite direction.

"See you around Scott!" Jean waved as she went to her next class. "It'll be fine. Trust me!"

"Yeah…" Scott muttered. "Everything will be just peachy. Maybe I'd better keep an eye on Kitty myself."

Later on that afternoon Lance was following Kitty across the quad to their next class. "You know you really shouldn't be so hostile to me," Lance told her. "I mean we both have a lot in common. How about we sit together at lunch and talk? My treat!"

"Let me ask you something," Kitty glared at him. "Are you like **insane** or just plain **stupid?** You tried to get me to steal test answers, destroyed my old high school and nearly killed my parents and me! And now you expect me to **forget** that and let you buy me lunch?"

"Okay I admit that sounds bad," Lance winced. "Maybe that wasn't the best way to make a first impression. But…"

"You get this through your thick head Lance Alvers," Kitty pointed her finger on his chest. "There is **no way** on earth that I will ever, ever, date you! I would have to be the stupidest person alive to give **you** a second chance!"

"Back off Alvers!" Scott came to Kitty's aid and immediately positioned himself between them.

"Scott I can handle him," Kitty said.

"Yeah, Summers, why don't you let her speak?" Lance said.

"She did! She told you to get lost and now I'm telling you the same thing!" Scott got in his face. "So get out of here or else!"

"Oh yeah…" Lance raised an eyebrow. Then he used his powers. He created a small quake that knocked Scott down. Unfortunately it also did a few other things. It knocked down a small tree, which landed on a very fancy car.

"MY CAR!" Duncan Matthews shouted.

It also disrupted a water main causing a fire hydrant to explode and spray water everywhere. A large pothole was also created which a car crashed into. And another car crashed into that car. And another. And another. Soon there was a ten-car pile up right in front of Bayville High. None of the drivers were hurt but several of them soon got into arguments with each other.

"Oops," Lance blinked.

"You maniac!" Scott shouted as he tackled him. Soon both boys were fighting.

"What is going on here?" Principal Darkholme stormed up to them. She pulled them apart. "Now what started this mess? Although something tells me I have an idea!"

"He jumped me! For no good reason!" Lance said quickly pointing to Scott.

"He's a menace that's what he is!" Scott snapped. "He was hassling Kitty…"

"I didn't lay a hand on her!" Lance snapped. "Ask anyone!"

"Did he?" Principal Darkholme looked at Kitty.

"Well no…" Kitty said. "But…"

"Then that weird earthquake hit and he fell down," Lance added quickly. "And then a few accidents sort of…"

"MY CAR IS RUINED!" Duncan screamed. "THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS A MESS!"

"YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER PAL!" One motorist screamed as he got in a fistfight with another motorist.

"MY HAIR IS TOTALLY WET!" A cheerleader bawled.

"I have no idea how that happened," Lance whistled as the police cars and the firemen showed up.

"Yeah right!" Scott snapped trying to get hold of him.

"Oh you're saying **I** created the earthquake?" Lance snapped. "Do you believe this guy?" He said to the small crowd that had formed around him. "Like I could make earthquakes or something!"

"LANCE YOU ARE SUCH A JERK!" Kitty stomped off.

"Kitty…" Lance blinked.

"Serves you right!" Scott snapped. "When I get…"

"VIOLENCE!" Todd piped up from the crowd. "He's threatening his civil rights yo!"

"You shut up Toad!" Scott shook his fist.

"See! See!" Todd pointed.

"Oh and he's the one who let all the frogs out too," Lance added quickly.

"I DID NOT!" Scott shouted. "YOU LIAR!"

"You know I did see him near the biology lab before the frogs got out," Todd said.

"Will you shut up?" Scott snarled.

Principal Darkholme assessed the situation. "All right then, Mr. Summers come with me. We can discuss your detention!"

"But I've never had detention!" Scott gasped.

"Well this will be a first!" Principal Darkholme grabbed him by the arm.

"Ha ha…" Lance waved. "Bye bye…"

"This is **war **Alvers!" Scott snapped as Principal Darkholme led him away. "You hear me! **War!**"

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Wow," Tabitha blinked as she heard the end of the story. "So that was the shot heard round the world huh?"

"Not to mention all of downtown Bayville," Jean groaned.

"Yeah and ever since that day those two have been like going at it," Kitty said.

"Well you gotta admit that was pretty funny," Todd snickered along with some of the Misfits. "I tell you for once Mystique was in a pretty good mood when she got home after that. She was so happy just to get Summers in trouble she forgot to hit me for the frog incident. Oh yeah she screamed at Lance for making a mess but you could tell her heart wasn't really into it."

"What are you all laughing about?" Rogue walked in with Remy. Both were holding hands.

"We were just remembering the first time Lance and Scott fought," Kitty told her. "Like those two were so totally childish! I could never act like that!"

"Oh really?" Rogue put her hands on her hips. "You seem to have forgotten a certain student director-slash-male lead-slash Romeo. Remember our audition when we decided to try out for Dracula?"

"You promised you'd never bring that up!" Kitty snapped.

"I lied," Rogue grinned.

"So what happened?" Dead Girl asked.

"Don't you dare Rogue!" Kitty fumed.

"Oh like nobody else at school heard about it," Tabitha waved. "Even us New Mutants heard about it and that was long after that play!"

"Serves you right for acting the way you did," Kurt snickered.

"Kurt!" Kitty snapped.

"What did she do?" Tim asked.

"Well…" Rogue began with a grin.


	3. Drama Kitty

**Drama Kitty**

The auditions for the Dracula musical were being held in the school auditorium. Although yesterday both girls had called a truce due to the fight with Sabertooth, their rivalry was once again shining through.

"Forget it Kitty, as I told you before I was **made** for this part!" Rogue hissed.

"You're not auditioning for Frankenstein's monster," Kitty shot back. She was wearing a red top and a pair of jeans. 

"Listen Bride of Dorkenstein," Rogue glared at her. "They're looking for people who can act."

"Okay, prove it," Kitty challenged. "Try to act like a human being for a minute!"

"And you can act like a corpse!" Rogue made a fist.

"Hello everyone!" Jason the director and male lead of the play stepped onstage. "Welcome to rehearsals! I hope everyone is ready."

"I know I am," Kitty said brightly. "I'm ready to say my lines."

"Can you say 'Suck up'?" Rogue muttered under her breath.

"Okay let's start with the Brides of Dracula," Jason read. "There are two roles Lucy and Luna."

"There wasn't a Luna in the original story," Rogue remembered.

"I know this is kind of an adaptation," Jason said. "I kind of wrote it myself."

"Wow Jason you're like so talented," Kitty beamed.

"You are so desperate it's not funny," Rogue glared at her.

"Okay first up is Rogue," Jason called out. Rogue came up. "Okay how about we do the scene where Dracula meets up with one of his brides at the discotech?"

"Discotech?" Rogue blinked. "That wasn't in the script. I thought it was a graveyard?"

"Yeah I changed it last night, my bad," Jason said. "Okay here we go."

"Oh which one am I? Luna or Lucy?" Rogue asked.

"Haven't quite got that down yet," Jason said. "I'm still ironing out one or two acts. Just read that line." He pointed.

"Dracula, my beloved lord of the night," Rogue spoke in her most seductive voice. "Let us fly and dance the night away." She put her arms around Jason.

"Careful Rogue!" Kitty called out. "Remember your skin condition!"

"I'm well aware of that!" Rogue snapped. Jason looked pale. "Uh, I bruise very easily. I can get poisoned by people touching them. It's a genetic thing. Really rare. Don't worry. As long as I wear gloves and cover up I'm okay."

"Really? I didn't know that," Jason said. "You know I think I saw something like that on the Discovery Channel the other night. What are the odds?"

"I know small world," Rogue laughed nervously.

"That must be so hard," Jason said. "You're so brave."

"Yeah tragic, she can't touch anyone," Kitty said quickly. "Remember you can't kiss her. Kind of hard to have a bride you can't kiss."

"But I'm very good at drawing **blood!"** Rogue whirled on Kitty. "You wanna see **that?**"

"Okay maybe we should move on to the next girl," Jason said. "Rachel?"

A very buxom blonde girl went on stage next. Rogue fumed as she sat down next to Kitty. "What the hell was that for?" Rogue snapped.

"Just looking out for your best interests," Kitty feigned innocence.

"Yeah you were looking out for something all right," Rogue snapped.

"Face it Rogue that part is as good as mine!" Kitty said.

"Kitty even if I didn't get the part which by the way there are **two** of!" Rogue told her. "I don't think you have a shot anyway. But I think **she **does."

Kitty's eyes opened wide as Rachel was hamming it up for Jason. "What does she have that I don't?" She hissed.

"A bra," Rogue said. Kitty glared at her. "Girl he ain't judging her lines!"

"We'll see about that!" Kitty stormed off to the wings of the stage.

"Okay that was very…nice," Jason gulped as Rachel flounced away. "Uh next on the chest…Uh **the list** is Kitty. Kitty? Kitty where are you?"

"Coming!" Kitty called off stage. "Just…getting into character." Kitty appeared but her appearance had been altered drastically from the neck down.

"Oh god…" Rogue rolled her eyes. "Spare me…"

"The moon looks so long and beautiful my dear Busty…I mean Luna…I mean Lucy…" Jason gulped as he read his lines.

"It does my darling," Kitty purred. "Dracula my beloved lord of the night, let us dance and fly away," Kitty grabbed him and pressed him close.

A little too close as one of the balloons in her chest popped and flew straight out of her shirt. It fell to the floor. "Don't worry," Kitty was bright red. "My back up pair is a lot more durable. Excuse me please…" She ran offstage.

With a bit of pride Rogue strutted to the center of the room and picked up the broken balloon. She held it up with pride. "Ladies and gentlemen I give you the winner in the category of best actress in a supporting role…"

"SHUT UP ROGUE!" Kitty screamed.

"Let's take a break now…" Jason gulped.

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"I can't believe you actually **did **that!" Wanda laughed like crazy.

"Okay! I admit it! I got the idea from watching a Golden Girls rerun! I still got the part!" Kitty said.

"Not to mention a kiss from Jason," Rogue mocked.

"WHAT?" Lance burst into the room with Scott on his heels. "You know you never did explain to me about that!"

"Oh get over it Lance! It was long before we ever dated!" Kitty snapped. "By the way did you and Scott have a nice fight?"

"Well we would have if Logan hadn't stopped us," Scott grumbled.

"Lucky for you, Summers," Lance growled.

"No lucky for **you**, Alvers!" Scott snapped.

"Why can't you two learn to get along, just once?" Kitty asked. "And I mean times other than when people are trying to kill us!"

"Well there was that one other time we had to work together," Jean said.

"I hope you don't mean the soda incident," Ray moaned. "I still have nightmares about Toad throwing sodas screaming 'Anarchy Now'!"

"Really?" Todd asked. "I always liked those dreams."

"No, I mean the **other** time," Jean said. "Do you remember when we had to take that mandatory Health class workshop?"

"Oh god that was a nightmare!" Kitty moaned. "That was even worse!"

"I thought that was fun!" Pietro grinned.

"Yeah **you** had a ball," Scott waved. "But for once your insanity was for a good cause! Remember who the teacher was?"

**Who was the teacher? What else will they remember? Find out next! **


	4. Good Mental Health is So Hard to Find

**Good Mental Health Is So Hard To Find**

In a Health class not long after Kelly had become principal…

"Good afternoon students. I'm Ms. March," The dark haired woman smiled sweetly. "And today we're here to talk about sex education, per mandate the court order."

"Well it's about time!" Pietro shouted. In the classroom were all the Brotherhood and X-Men. "So what do you want to know?"

"Very amusing," Ms. March said in a tone that indicated she wasn't. "Now let's talk about preventing unwanted pregnancies. Abstinence is of course the recommended form." She took a whiff of Todd's scent and grimaced. "All though some of you may be more adept at that than others. But what are some other ways?"

"Well condoms and birth control pills," Jean held up her hand.

"Yes, that is correct. Of course someone like **you **would know all about that wouldn't you?" Ms. March spoke in a frosty tone.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jean asked.

"I know all about girls like you," Ms. March glared at Jean. "Dating the star quarterback and pretending to be an A student…"

"Sorry she really is a brain," Pietro spoke up. "But that doesn't mean she can't be a slut too!"

"Shut up Maximoff!" Jean snapped.

"And to think I wasn't even going to **come** to this class," Tabitha snickered.

"Words from another expert I see," Ms. March looked at Tabitha.

"And you must be an expert about abstinence," Tabitha grinned back.

"I have a question. Is there any way you can have sex with another person without actually having physical contact with someone?" Rogue asked. "Any way at all?"

"No, you can't have sex without touching someone!" Ms. March shouted. "What kind of stupid question is that?"

"A safe sex question duh," Pietro remarked. "You're not very bright are you?"

"And you look a little light in your loafers if you get my drift happy boy," Ms. March glared at him.

"WHAT?" Pietro snapped. Evan giggled. "SHUT UP DANIELS! LIKE YOU'D EVER KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WOMEN!"

"Moving on…" Ms. March said. "Let's talk about our relationships with members of the opposite sex. Or same sex in some cases…"

"I AM NOT GAY! I HAVE PROOF!" Pietro shouted. "You want pictures? Phone numbers? Bras? I've got a ton of them in my locker!"

"Shut up Pietro!" Scott groaned.

"Yes now I want all of you to talk about your relationships," Ms. March said.

"Oh I get it," Pietro said. "This lady is a spy from the government to report on teen sex lives!"

"I am not!" Ms. March snapped.

"Narc! Cough!" Pietro coughed.

"Watch it Tinkerbell!" Ms. March snapped. She then noticed Tabitha taking a soda out of her purse. "You! Give me that soda!"

"I'm thirsty here!" Tabitha said.

"No drinks allowed! Give me that!" Ms. March took it and put it on her desk.

"Hey I paid for that!" Tabitha said.

"No you didn't!" Kitty fumed.

"Well I got it from the machine outside all the same!" Tabitha said.

"I thought I heard an explosion before class," Scott muttered under his breath.

"Let me get the stupid forms for you idiots to fill out," Ms. March grumbled.

When she turned her back Pietro zoomed to her desk. Shook the soda can very rapidly and sat down before she turned back. She opened it to take a drink and it spilled out all over her. "AGGHH!"

"See! That's what you get for stealing someone's soda," Tabitha said.

"Agh!" Ms. March put the soda can down on the desk and wiped her eyes. As she did so Pietro took the opportunity to put the soda can on the opposite side of the desk. "Now…" She looked at where the can should have been. "That's strange. I could have sworn…Never mind! I have forms here to pass out."

She looked for the papers on the desk. "Where are the papers I had here?"

"You passed them out already!" Pietro held one up. Again he had used his super speed to distribute them to the class.

"I did?" Ms. March blinked. "Okay….Well fill them out." She went to her seat looking rather confused.

"Pietro will you quit it?" Scott hissed. "You're gonna get us all in trouble!"

"No I'm not! Hey Jean! Use your powers to make the soda can move!" Pietro whispered. "It'll be fun to watch her freak out!"

"Pietro!" Jean hissed.

"Come on, it's just us in here! And it'll be her word against ours!" Pietro said.

"No way Quicksilver! I won't use my powers like that!" Jean hissed.

"Maximoff! Stop trying to hit on the class slut! It won't change what you are!" Ms. March snapped.

"On the other hand…" Jean thought.

"You're not seriously going to do that are you?" Scott asked Jean.

"Normally I wouldn't but this lady is seriously getting on my nerves," Jean grumbled. She concentrated and the soda can moved slightly to the left.

"What the hell…?" Ms. March gasped.

"You shouldn't swear in school," Fred told her.

"Okay you had to have seen **that!**" Ms. March said.

"Seen what?" Jean covered.

"THE SODA CAN! IT MOVED ALL BY ITSELF!" Ms. March screamed.

"I didn't see it move," Pietro said innocently. "Did you see it move?"

"No, I did not see it move," Lance said. "Did you see it move, Freddy?"

"No Lance I did not see it move," Fred played innocent. "Did you see it move Toad?"

"Well when she picked it up I saw it move," Todd said. "Does that count?"

"No you stupid little…" Ms. March snapped when suddenly the can moved again. "See! See it's moving! It's moving!"

"No it's not," Jean said. "And nobody else is seeing it move either." The students quickly agreed.

"Okay…" Ms. March was sounding nervous. "Stay calm. Relax. I knew I shouldn't have skipped my medication today. WHOA!" The room shook for a moment. "Earthquake! Earthquake!"

"What earthquake?" Lance blinked.

Pietro had another idea. Before anyone could stop him he quickly shut off Kurt's inducer exposing his true self. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Ms. March screamed. "DEMON!"

"What demon?" Kitty said quickly. "He looks perfectly normal to me."

Kurt quickly pressed his inducer back on. "Uh yeah I'm not a blue demon. Really!" He glared at Pietro as if he was going to kill him.

"How did you know what color…?" Ms. March shook her head. "Never mind. I think I need to get a drink now. I mean get something in me. I mean…I'll be in the ladies' room…" She stumbled away.

"Oh man did you see her face?" Pietro guffawed. "That was hilarious!"

"That wasn't funny Quicksilver!" Evan snapped. "What if someone else had walked in or something?"

"Oh relax Daniels," Todd snapped. "Forget about it. Nothing bad is going to happen."

BOOM!

THUD!

"That sounded like it came from the vending machine outside!" Kitty shouted.

"Oops," Tabitha blinked. "I forgot about that one."

They rushed outside to find Ms. March lying flat on the floor covered in soda and quarters. "He he…Blue demon…Go boom…Sodas for everyone…" She giggled before she passed out.

"Oh great! Not again! And I just hired her this morning!" Kelly screamed as he rounded the corner and saw her lying there. "Someone call 911!"

"I told you we shouldn't have done that," Scott said.

"We lose more teachers that way," Fred remarked.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"You know I'd forgotten all about that," Jean snickered. "That was kind of fun."

"Did my ears hear correctly?" Tabitha perked up. "Or is Ms. Perfect leaning towards the dark side?"

"Hey despite what you guys think of me I am human, so to speak," Jean said. "Even I get tempted every now and then."

"Yeah, like Jean would ever actually turn bad," Lance said. "Never happen."

"Well, we used to think you guys would never be good," Kurt said. "Especially after that one field trip we went on. You remember when the whole school went to see that play?"

"How could we forget?" Pietro grinned. "If it wasn't for us that trip would never have happened!"

"Don't remind me!" Jean groaned. "I can still hear the screams in my nightmares!"

"Why? What did they do?" Betsy asked.

"What **didn't** they do!" Scott told her. "It all started when the Brotherhood got the entire school infested with hamsters."

"Accidentally infested with hamsters…" Todd reminded him.

"How do you **accidentally** infest a school with **hamsters?**" Tim asked.

"Well you see we had these pet hamsters and they got pregnant," Fred told him. "Unfortunately Toad was in charge of taking care of them…"


	5. The Play's The Thing

**The Play's The Thing**

"But it was an accident!" Todd wailed. "You can't kill Marsha, Jan and Cindy! They have to raise their babies!"

"NOT IN MY SCHOOL!" Principal Kelly screamed. "NOW GET ON THE BUS WITH THE OTHER MANIACS!"

"But I have to stay and find the hamsters!" Todd cried. "They're my responsibility!"

"Yes, your responsibility. Which you so responsibly lost them in the ventilation systems!" Kelly held his head with his hand. "Thanks to you, we now have to **fumigate **the entire school! Tolensky the only reason I am allowing you and the rest of your idiot friends from the Brotherhood to go on this field trip is to give me some peace and quiet for **one day!** So get on the bus and get out of here!"

"Fine, you don't have to yell…" Todd grumbled as he hoisted his backpack on his shoulders and got on the bus. "Oh well at least we get out of class for the day."

"Wonderful," Kurt grumbled. The Brotherhood and X-Men were on the bus. "Just when I think you goons couldn't screw up our school any more…"

"Hey, for once I think they did all right," Bobby said. "You seriously telling me you'd rather be in class than go to a play downtown?"

"What the heck are we gonna see anyway?" Fred asked.

"Something about food," Todd told him. "Ham something or other."

"Hamlet, Toad," Scott winced. "We're going to see Hamlet."

"Hey that's by that Shakespeare guy right?" Fred asked.

"Wow Fred that tutoring really is paying off," Lance said sarcastically.

"This is gonna be a disaster, I know it!" Scott groaned. "I don't know why, I don't know how but I just know that this is not going to be a peaceful field trip! Then again since **none **of our field trips have been peaceful…"

"Let's just enjoy the day. Hopefully the Brotherhood will look at this as an opportunity," Jean said.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Scott moaned.

A few hours later the students were watching the play. Well most of them. "Blob! Stop snoring!" Rogue hissed. "How come I had to get stuck sitting next to him?"

"I'll trade places with you," Kurt sighed. Todd was fidgeting in his seat looking under it.

"Hey I found some gum!" Todd said.

"Geeze for a play about a guy tormented by ghosts and an evil step dad who wants to kill him this thing is boring," Lance yawned.

Suddenly Pietro walked up to them. "Don't worry! It's all gonna get better! I took a little tour backstage!"

"What did you do?" Jean hissed.

"Jean you know I can't spoil the ending," Pietro grinned.

"Why are Rosencrantz and Guildenstern dressed like penguins?" Kitty blinked.

"That's not in the script is it?" Lance blinked.

"No, it's not," Kitty told him. "And neither is that disco ball."

"And why is Polonius in a clown costume?" Bobby asked.

"I just thought their costumes could use a little spice," Pietro grinned. "Check out what happens to the queen in five…four…three…two…"

"Oh my god…" Kitty winced. "I've heard about performing in your underwear before but I never dreamed…"

BOOM! BOOM!

"Tabitha is there any chance you didn't put any of your time bombs in the orchestra pit?" Lance winced.

"There's always a chance," Tabitha shrugged. "Hey Lance is right! This play is boring! So when Pietro said a few small explosions might liven the place up…"

"Which it did," Rogue said. "Oh look the king's throne is on fire."

"Toad what are you doing?" Kurt hissed. "Stop moving around!"

"I'm looking for something!" Todd told him.

"What could **you **be looking for?" Scott asked.

"Well I rescued some of the baby hamsters," Todd whispered. "And I put 'em in my backpack. But I kind of forgot to zip it up after I got my drink so…"

"They got out didn't they?" Lance closed his eyes. "How many did you rescue?"

"Only two or three dozen," Todd shrugged. "They're real small."

"Oh god no…" Kurt rolled his eyes as one of the actresses started to scream onstage. "Cue the big disaster."

"I never knew hamsters could swarm," Scott blinked. "Or could run up an actresses' leg."

"All right!" Lance shouted. "Now this play is really getting good!"

"To be honest you gotta admit he has a point," Evan said.

"I won't say I told you so…" Scott groaned as the fire alarms went off.

"But you just did, didn't you?" Jean said.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"It took four hours to coax the actress down off the balcony," Jean groaned.

"Fortunately none of the hamsters were hurt," Todd said. "The ones in the theater ran away. And even better a local chapter of PETA showed up to protest Kelly trying to exterminate the hamsters. One lady in a hamster costume bit him. We saw it on the news. And Marsha, Jan and Cindy were all rescued."

"And to this day no student from Bayville High has ever gone to see another play," Rogue ended the story.

"Whoa now **that's** a story," Tim blinked. "I'm impressed! You guys have done a lot of damage."

"Mostly **them!"** Scott pointed to Lance, Todd, Pietro and Fred. "Every single field trip we went on they wrecked. The zoo, the park, the aquarium, the planetarium…They even stole a bus during a fire drill and kidnapped Kurt for the day!"

"That was Tabby kidnapping Kurt," Pietro pointed out. "And we brought the bus back in mostly one piece."

"And I think the paint job we all did made the bus look much better," Todd said.

"What about the soccer game where you nearly revealed our identities?" Scott said. "Which turned out to be delaying the inevitable."

"Hey **you're **the one who set the gym on fire when you shot that flaming hawk statue out of my hands!" Fred pointed out.

"Oh like you wouldn't have done that yourself," Scott shot back.

"Well we certainly didn't let those monsters out at the Sadie Hawkins Dance!" Lance told him.

"Am I ever going to be able to forget that?" Forge groaned.

"No, along with all your other stupid inventions that backfired!" Rogue told him.

"Yeah but the old Brotherhood did ten times the damage Forge ever did," Scott pointed out. "Remember the time you guys got the Governor's wife to duke it out with Kelly's secretary in front of the entire school?"

"Oh yeah man that was classic!" Todd laughed.

"So were all the times Blue Boy's image inducer failed and he freaked people out in the boy's bathroom!" Pietro said. "Not to mention all the vending machines Boom Boom blew up!"

"Not half as freaked as Kelly was when Beast first appeared and nearly tore him to shreds," Lance said. "Or when Cobra attacked us during that dance."

"There's never a dull moment with you people is there?" Betsy blinked.

"I'm afraid not," Kurt admitted.

"No wonder everyone at school hated us when they found out our secret," Kitty groaned. "Still you guys from the Brotherhood have to admit you really did a lot of damage!"

"You have **nothing** to complain about," Rogue said. "At least you never lived with any of them!"

"We weren't that bad," Todd said. "Name one time we were really bad!"

"Oh yeah?" Rogue looked at him. "I can name at least **three** times! The day after Pietro moved in for starters! Do you know what I caught these idiots doing when I came down for breakfast…?"

**The hamster thing was based on one of my fics 'Brotherhood Hamsters'. Up next an old favorite of mine returns in non script form. Sorry folks but I couldn't resist rewriting this one! **


	6. I Feel Pretty Redux

**Yeah I'm retelling this story mostly because I loved this one. I wrote it a long time ago. It's a parody of 'I Feel Pretty' from the movie West Side Story and the original is on a few websites, including Calistolexx's and Todd Fan's! Don't worry most of the other stuff in this fic will be original. For those who haven't read this, enjoy. For those that have this is…**

**I Feel Pretty Redux**

It was the day after Pietro arrived at the Brotherhood House. Lance was having some breakfast in the kitchen when suddenly a rush blew by him, nearly knocking him off his seat. It was Pietro. He grabbed a box of cereal. "Alright! Super Sugar Puffs! Breakfast of Champions! Yum! Yum!" He made himself a bowl and sat next to Lance. Then he began to eat in super speed. "Yumyumyummyyumyum!"

Lance looked at him in shock. "Are you always like this in the morning?"

Pietro stopped. "Like what?"

"Never mind," Lance sighed. "So are you all settled in?"

"Yeah I was a bit tired from coming in late last night," Pietro said. "Uh…my train was late."

"You mean breaking out of jail right?" Lance gave him a look.

Pietro was startled. "You know?"

Lance shrugged. "Yeah well word gets around fast here. Besides, it's no big deal. Heck, committing a felony is practically a requirement to get into the Brotherhood. Look at me. I trashed my old school."

Pietro grinned. "You a vandal? I never would have guessed."

"Uh let me rephrase that," Lance gulped. "When I say trashed, I mean totaled. As in kinda brought a few walls down."

"Oh yeah, you make earthquakes. You destroyed your school?"

"Not all of it!" Lance said. "Well most of it. It was an accident! Besides no one got hurt. It's not as creative as what you did. Yours was much better."

"Thanks," Pietro preened. "I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those nosy X-Jerks!"

"Don't worry Pietro," Lance waved. "We'll get 'em."

That was when Todd hopped in. He did a little spin and dance around the room. Pietro wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Yeesh! Does he **always **smell like that?"

"Actually he usually smells a lot worse," Lance told him. "Hey Toad, did your skin accidentally come in contact with some soap today?"

Todd just made himself some toast. "And good morning to you too Lance. Hey Pietro! Wazzup?"

"Careful Pietro," Lance warned. "He's in a good mood."

"And with good reason," Todd danced around. "She talked to me! She actually talked to me!" The toast popped out of the toaster and Todd grabbed it with his tongue, swallowing it. "She talked to me!"

Pietro was shocked. "Man that's freaky!"

"Oh that's right," Lance said. "You haven't seen his tongue in action before. You get used to it. Hey Toad you mean Princess Charming actually spoke more than two words to you?"

"That's right," Todd sighed happily. "I'll never forget it. 'Drop dead you little Armpit'. It was the way she said it. Yeah, she's warming up to me!"

"Wait, you mean the Goth girl at the end of the hall right?" Pietro asked.

"She's the only girl here," Lance told him. "Duh."

"She threatened to bash my face in if I stepped one foot into her room!" Pietro gasped.

"Yeah that's our little Miss Sunshine," Lance nodded.

"Aw she's just shy, that's all," Todd told him.

"No," Lance looked at Todd. "She's **psychotic! **Toad you have to face reality! She hates you! Like the majority of the female population of the world. But you are so pathetic you ignore all the signs in order to get some attention! You put up with all the garbage people dish out to you and make yourself into such a doormat just so you think people will like you! That is so stupid! You're an idiot!"

"I know you're just saying that 'cause you care about me," Todd waved. Lance slapped his head in frustration.

Pietro looked amused. "I'm going to love living here."

Lance tried again. "Toad! Forget it! You can't even kiss her! Her powers would kill you!"

"So?" Todd asked. "No one wants to kiss me anyway! It's a perfect match!"

"He's got a point there," Pietro looked at Lance.

"Besides **you're** hardly one to talk," Todd got himself some milk. "You're still hung up on Kitty!"

"Shut up Toad," Lance growled.

"Who's Kitty?" Pietro asked.

"One of the X-Geeks," Todd told him as he downed some milk. "She's a freshman, brown hair in a ponytail. Walks through walls."

"So what's wrong with her?" Pietro asked.

Todd batted his eyes and spoke in a high valley girl tone. "Like I really, really like to meet you. Like it's so great to like have someone new around here! Like wow! Freaky! Like totally valley girl y'know?"

Pietro felt the color drain from his face. "You're kidding?"

"Like no way," Todd mocked. "Like she really talks like that. I mean where does she get that valley girl talk? She's from the Midwest! She must have overdosed on one 80's movie too many."

Pietro looked at Lance who was hiding his head in shame. "That is bad! That's your **type?** You gotta be kidding me! Isn't there anyone else?"

"Well there's Jean the psychic redhead," Todd added.

"You mean Ms. Bossy Know It All from the other night?" Pietro asked. "Bleech!"

"They're cute but personality wise…" Todd shrugged.

"I'm beginning to see your point Toad," Pietro admitted.

"I just wish that she'd give me a chance," Todd said. "I know I don't look so great, but I really like Rogue."

"Come on Toad," Pietro got up and put his hand on Todd's shoulder. "It's not just about looks! It's about attitude! All you need is a little self-affirmation to get you through the day! Well, that and some strong cologne. Put yourself in my hands kid and she'll be begging to go out with you!"

Lance looked at him. "Boy you **do** like a challenge, don't you?"

"You know what I do when I need a boost?" Pietro asked Todd. "I sing!"

"You **what?**" Lance blinked.

"Sing," Pietro told him. "It's very good for the lungs and self esteem. You ever see the movie West Side Story?"

"Yeah they made us watch that in music class last year," Todd nodded.

"Good," Pietro said. "Just repeat after me. _I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay! And I pity any guy who isn't me today!" _

Lance's jaw dropped after hearing Pietro sing. "WHAT?"

"Ignore him," Pietro waved. "Okay Toad, say it at first. Go on. I feel pretty."

Todd looked at him. "I feel pretty stupid yo."

"Don't feel that way!" Pietro instructed. "Just relax. Go with the flow. What have you got to lose?"

"I dunno Pietro," Todd sighed.

"Just do it," Pietro ordered.

"Are you out of your mind?" Lance asked.

Pietro looked at Todd. "Do you want Rogue or not? Now say it! I feel pretty."

"I feel pretty," Todd said weakly.

"Say it again."

"I feel pretty," Todd was slightly more confident.

"Again."

"I feel pretty."

"Sing it loud and sing it proud!" Pietro shouted. _"I feel charming! Oh so charming! It's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty that I hardly can believe I'm real!" _

"Great, just what we need around here," Lance rolled his eyes. "Another nut!"

Pietro turned Todd so he could see his warped reflection in the mirror. _"See the handsome guy in that mirror there? Who can that attractive man be? Such a handsome face, such a handsome smile…" _

_"Such a handsome me!" _Todd sang out. Lance winced in pain and slapped his head again.

Both Pietro and Todd danced around. _"I feel stunning and entrancing, feel like running and dancing for joy! Cause she's loved by a pretty wonderful boy!" _

Fred walked in and saw the two boys singing and dancing as well as Lance in a state of shock. "What's going on?"

"What you are witnessing Freddy is the mating dance of the Bayville Toad," Lance told him.

Pietro sang. _"See the handsome guy in that mirror there?" _

Fred looked around. "What mirror? Where?"

Todd added. _"Who can that attractive guy be?"_

Fred still looked around. "Which? What? Where? Who? Who?"

_"Such a handsome face! Such a handsome dress, such a handsome smile such a handsome me!" _Pietro and Todd sang.

"Are they on something?" Fred asked Lance.

"No, but they should be," Lance sighed.

Pietro and Todd sang some more. _"I feel stunning and entrancing! Feel like running and dancing for joy! 'Cause she's loved by a pretty wonderful boy!" _

"OKAY! I'VE HAD IT!" Lance shouted as he grabbed a newspaper. He rolled it up and whacked both of them on the head with it. "Listen up! _Have you met our good friend Rogue? The craziest girl on the block? You'll know her the minute you see her, she's the one who is in an advanced case of shock!" _

"She's not the only one," Fred blinked.

_"You think you're in love? Get this through your brain! You're not in love, you're merely insane!" _Lance sang. Then he realized something. "Oh great! Now they've got me doing it!"

Fred decided to get into it as well. _"Maybe she's shy or some rare disease? Or not enough to eat? Or maybe she's got fleas?" _

"I can live with that," Todd danced around.

Lance grabbed Todd. _"Keep away from her you little weirdo!"_

_"You just want her for yourself yo!" _Todd stuck his tongue out.

"HA!" Lance scoffed. _"She's a stuck up jerk, impolite and unrefined, nasty and immature and out of her mind!" _He grabbed some flour and put some on his bangs. "This is Rogue! Witch of the year!"

"Oh Miss Teen America! Speak! Speak!" Pietro mocked putting some flowers in his hand.

Lance got into it with a Southern accent. "It is such an honor to make you perverts drool and to know you can't touch me! You haven't a chance with me! _I feel pretty! So Goth pretty! So pretty that the city should give me it's key! A committee should be formed to honor me! I feel dizzy. I feel sunny! I feel fizzy and funny and fine! And so pretty Miss America can just resign! _Or I'll give her an accident! _See the pretty girl in that mirror there!"_

_"What mirror where?" _The boys sang and danced around.

_"Who can that so attractive girl be?"_ Lance preened. _"Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty me!" _

_"I feel stunning and entrancing, feel like running and dancing for joy! For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy!" _The Boys sang and danced around. They struck dramatic poses. Then they saw Rogue and Mystique standing there with shocked looks on their faces in the doorway.

Rogue whirled on Mystique. "And you wonder **why** I never leave my room? I am going back in there and I am not coming out until they are gone! Ah don't care how late I am for school! Forget it!" She ran upstairs.

"Rogue wait!" Mystique called out. "I'm coming with you!" She ran after her.

"Yeah I think we made a good impression on her," Todd blinked.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"That's pretty scary…" Betsy blinked.

"Scary isn't the word for it," Peter remarked.

"They were singing?" Scott's jaw dropped.

"What's so bad about that?" Pietro folded his arms.

"Well this is a newsflash," Althea looked at Todd. "You never told me you had a crush on Rogue!"

"Uh…It was long before we met Sweetie," Todd gulped. "But I'm over her now!"

"Thank God for miracles," Rogue groaned.

"That is pretty bad," Kitty winced. "Not to mention disturbing…"

"It gets worse!" Rogue said. "Mystique once made the mistake of taking us all out to a nice restaurant. Thank god it was out of town…"


	7. My Dinner With the Brotherhood

**My Dinner With The Brotherhood**

"Now I want all of you to behave yourselves tonight," Mystique hissed in her Principal Darkholme disguise. "For once we are going to have a meal like civilized human beings. Or at the very least a close approximation to them…"

Lance, Rogue, Todd, Fred and Pietro walked into the restaurant reasonably well dressed. "Why do I have to wear a tie again?" Lance groaned as he pulled at it.

"Because this is Sheldon Falls' nicest restaurant that's why," Mystique said. "I was not going to take any chances in Bayville where people would recognize us."

"It's nice of you to take us out," Rogue said. "Why are you doing this?"

"I lost a bet," Mystique groaned. "That's all I'm going to say."

"I told you I could get all those paper clips clipped together in my mouth," Todd said proudly. "And all that chalk."

"I think I've just lost my appetite," Rogue moaned as they were seated.

"Look just try and behave yourselves and maybe we'll all get through this with as little property damage as possible," Mystique sighed as she looked at the menu. "Now Fred please do us a favor and try not to order everything on the menu. Fred? Fred where are you?"

"Hmmm, this is good!" Fred was helping himself to what was on a bewildered couple's plate. "This lobster is tasty! And the chicken is good!"

"FRED! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT OFF OF OTHER PEOPLE'S TABLES!" Mystique shouted as she grabbed his ear. "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! CAN'T I TAKE YOU ANYWHERE?"

"I'm hungry," Fred whined.

"I'll alert the media," Mystique pulled on his ear in order to drag him away. "Just sit down with the others! They may not be much but at least they have enough sense not to take things off of other tables! Where's Toad?"

Todd had moved to another table. He was looking at another couple's salad. "Hey there's a fly in there," He pointed. "Can I have it?"

"AAGHH! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" The man shouted. "Where the hell is the chef here?"

"Yeah we can ask where he got the flies," Todd said.

"I'll sue! I'll sue!" The man shouted.

"And I'll have your salad," Todd reached for it.

"Toad!" Mystique grabbed Todd by the arm and dragged him away. "You can't have that!"

"Why? He doesn't want it!" Todd asked.

"Just sit down and behave!" Mystique growled as she shoved him into his seat. "Now all of you just behave…" She then saw Pietro's seat was empty. "Oh for crying out loud…"

Pietro zipped back. "Hi there!"

"Will you be careful? Someone could have seen you!" Mystique hissed. "Where did you go?"

"I just had to freshen up a bit," Pietro told her. "Always have clean hands before eating."

"Not to mention trying to get the waitresses' phone number," Lance snickered.

"Can I go sit in the car?" Rogue asked.

"No," Mystique told her. "If I can't get out of this no one else is!"

"Hello," A tall thin waiter walked up to them. "I am Pierre and I will be your waiter."

"Howdy! I'm Freddy and I'll be your customer!" Fred grinned. "I'd like three of each."

"Each what sir?" The waiter looked very annoyed.

"Everything on the menu," Fred told him. "So what do you guys want?"

Mystique decided to go the easy way for once. "Just make it four of everything for all of us. Starting off with the wine for me. On second thought just give me a couple of bottles straight up!"

"Can't you yahoos behave yourselves for once in your lives?" Rogue snapped.

"What do **you **think?" Lance chuckled.

"Look all I want is a nice long quiet dinner without any mayhem," Mystique told them. "Just for once in your lives try to behave."

Ten minutes later.

"GET THESE LOBSTERS OFF OF ME!" A chef ran around with several lobsters attached to various parts of his body.

"HELP! THERE'S SOME KIND OF DISGUSTING GUNK IN THE MENS'ROOM!" One patron shouted.

"Ten minutes," Mystique sighed as she grabbed her bottle by the neck and started drinking from it. "That's a new record for them."

"WAITER! THIS LUMMOX IS STEALING MY STEAK!" One customer screamed.

"It's not that good anyway," Fred shrugged as he stopped eating. He looked at another table. "Hey are you gonna finish that?"

"Hey boss lady!" Todd made his way to the table. "Guess how many cockroaches there are in the kitchen? They're really big! I got a couple…Now where did they go?" A lady screamed nearby. "Oh there they are."

"Jerk!" Rogue shouted as she threw some dinner rolls.

"Witch!" Lance snapped as he threw some back at her.

"LANCE! ROGUE! STOP THROWING DINNER ROLLS AT EACH OTHER!" Mystique shouted. "AND WHERE THE HELL IS PIETRO?"

"I smell smoke yo," Todd sniffed.

"So do I…" Mystique blinked. She glared at Pietro who came back to the table rather sheepishly. "What did you **do?**"

"I was just helping with the desserts," Pietro admitted. "Who knew crème brulee could be so hard. Especially with the little flame-thrower and…"

"FIRE! FIRE!" Someone screamed and an alarm went off.

"All right you all know the drill," Mystique groaned. "Grab the silverware and run out the back! Just like every other time we go out to eat!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"And that 's why the town of Sheldon Falls no longer has any five star restaurants," Rogue finished.

"You guys really **do** trash any place you go to, don't you?" Tim blinked. "Man and I thought **I **held the record!"

"Isolated incidents," Pietro defended. "Taken out of context pure and simple."

"Oh yeah?" Rogue folded her arms. "What about that time you spied on Jean's date with Duncan?"

"What?" Jean looked at them. "When was this?"

"Not long after Blobbo kidnapped you," Rogue said.

"You kidnapped **her?**" Tim looked at Fred. "I thought you had better taste than that!"

"I know, I know…" Fred moaned. "God you make one bad judgement…" 

"Some bad judgement!" Pietro snapped. "I mean come on even the lunch ladies would have been better than…"

"THANKS A LOT!" Jean snapped.

"Look I put that behind me!" Fred said. "I worked very hard to get over that. And the kidnapping thing too."

"Yeah and trashing that date was a real great first step!" Todd snickered.

"What did you do?" Dead Girl asked.

"Well…" Todd began.

**What happens on the date? What will the gang remember next? Find out! **


	8. Dumping on Duncan is Always a Blast

**Dumping On Duncan Is Always A Blast**

"You know the only reason I am hanging out with you morons is that there's nothing good on TV," Rogue grumbled. She and the rest of the Brotherhood were at the drive in sitting in the movie theater in the balcony.

"I thought it was 'cause Mystique paid you twenty bucks to watch us?" Todd scratched his head.

"That too…" Rogue admitted. "But spying on someone else's date is pretty low, even if it is Jean and Duncan."

"Hey it's the least you could do for how you treated me when we first met," Fred grumbled.

"For the last time Blob you do not kidnap girls if you wanna get a date!" Rogue snapped. "Especially Princess Perfect over there."

"Well you sure changed your tune," Lance remarked.

"Look just because I saved her from a date with Blob here doesn't mean I like her," Rogue snapped. "Of course now that I think about it anybody would be better than the guy she's currently dating."

"Yeah for a telepath she's pretty clueless," Lance said. "Did you know he made a date with this cheerleader behind Jean's back?"

"I thought she was on the soccer team?" Rogue asked.

"No that's the other date he made," Pietro corrected her.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Rogue said. "I mean she is a telepath."

"A telepath who can't figure out she's dating Mr. Neanderthal of the Year," Lance pointed out. "Yeah we're safe. Besides there's too many people around and her shields are up. She'll never know we're here."

"Unless we do something stupid and the odds of that are astronomical!" Rogue groaned.

"Okay it's dark enough," Lance said. "Commence Operation Gumdrop!" The boys each threw one gumdrop down below. "Aw man, how could we miss?"

"Miss? You hit Duncan!" Rogue said.

"Yeah but some of us were supposed to aim for Red," Lance said. "Toad that was your job!"

"No that was Freddy's we traded remember?" Todd said.

"Yeah but then I traded to Pietro for an extra gumdrop," Fred told him. "Which I ate."

"And I traded to Rogue who traded to Lance who traded back to Fred who traded back to Todd," Pietro said.

"Oh yeah," Todd said. "Sorry, my bad." He threw another gumdrop at Duncan. "Yeah right in his coke!"

"You were supposed to get Jean!" Pietro snapped.

"Yeah but she doesn't have her drink open," Todd said.

"How can you tell?" Rogue asked.

"I can see real good at night," Todd said.

"Well try not to hit her too much," Rogue muttered.

"You actually sound worried about her," Lance said. "What are you friends or something?"

"Trust me, I'll never be friends with **her**," Rogue growled. "I'd sooner spend my time hanging out with Mystique!"

"Another bulls-eye!" Lance grinned as he threw another gumdrop. "You know I'm surprised he hasn't said anything yet."

"I switched his chapstick for super glue," Pietro grinned. "And I stuck some on his seat."

"You're really quiet Duncan," Jean said, oblivious to the Brotherhood above her.

"MMMFFHHH!" Duncan tried to speak.

"You know this movie isn't as good as I thought it would be," Jean sighed. "Maybe we should talk about our relationship?"

"MMMMMMMM!" Duncan's eyes grew wide.

"This is a dumb movie," Todd looked at the screen. "Half the people in the theater are asleep!"

"So what's going on down there?" Pietro asked. "Should we throw more gumdrops?"

"Nah, I got a better idea," Rogue grinned. She got up. "I just saw someone that will make this night very interesting." She left for her mission.

Meanwhile Jean was very annoyed. "Duncan you haven't said anything! I'm trying to establish what kind of relationship we have and all you are doing is making funny noises!"

"MMMMM!" Duncan tried to say something. He pulled at his mouth but nothing happened.

"What are you doing?" Jean snapped. "Are you making fun of me?" Duncan tried to say no but it came out like an odd whimper. "I don't believe this!"

"So what did I miss?" Rogue ran back to the guys.

"Duncan is in hot water and Jean is still clueless," Lance snickered. "What did you do?"

"Just watch and wait for the fireworks," Rogue grinned.

"Duncan I think I want to go home now!" Jean snapped.

Duncan tried to get up but he couldn't. "MMMPH!"

"Fine I'll get a cab!" Jean stormed out of the movie. "Or better yet I'll get a ride from Scott!"

"MMFFFHH!" Duncan tried to get up but couldn't.

"Duncan? Duncan Matthews!" Mindy the cheerleader stormed up. "I thought I saw you in here! You were on a date with Jean! How could you! You told me that you were breaking up with her!"

"Aw man what lousy timing," Todd said as they watched Mindy scream at Duncan.

"I dunno," Fred grinned. "It's still more entertaining than what's on screen."

"I'll never trust you again!" Mindy started to pound on Duncan. "Never! Never! Never!"

"MMMMMMM!" Duncan tried to scream. The Brotherhood were laughing their heads off.

"Well the people in the audience aren't asleep now," Lance remarked.

"Oh that has got to hurt!" Pietro winced.

"OW! OW! STOP HITTING ME!" Duncan shouted.

"Well at least he can talk again," Pietro said. "That Mindy sure has a good right hook!"

"And the benefit of him being able to speak is what?" Lance asked. "And here come the ushers! And one's down for the count! Oh Jean is gonna be so sorry she missed the show!"

"It figures she's not seeing this," Rogue sighed.

"Good thing we have the videotape in case she asks," Todd held up the camera and filmed the action. "Or in case we need a couple bucks."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"YOU DID THAT?" Jean shouted. "I don't believe it!"

"Jean, I still have a copy of the video," Rogue told her.

"Okay I believe it," Jean groaned.

"Yeah who would have thought she'd have saved you from **two **bad dates," Kurt snickered.

"I hate it when you make sense," Jean groaned.

"You know I never thought I would miss those days," Lance sighed and shook his head. "When all we had to worry about was our little rivalry and trying not to fall asleep in class."

"Nobody ever got any sleep once the Joes and Cobra infiltrated Bayville that's for sure!" Tabitha rolled her eyes.

"What?" Everett asked.

"Before we all got outed, Cobra tried to capture us by posing as teachers," Scott explained.

"And of course the Joes got wind of this project and posed as teachers as well in order to protect us," Rogue added.

"Some protection!" Scott groaned. "We nearly got blown up along with the school!"

"That was an accident and you know it!" Lance glared at him.

"Remember that one class we were in with Gung Ho as our Home Economics teacher?" Remy asked. "Now **that** was interesting!"

**What happened in that class? Besides the explosions. Read to find out! **


	9. Another Disaster in Home Economics

**Another Disaster in Home Economics**

"All right class!" Gung Ho called out. He was in the guise of Mr. LaFitte the Home Economics teacher. "Today you will learn how to make the most important dish of your life! Gumbo!"

"Finally!" Remy grinned. "Some decent project!" He was wearing contacts that made his eyes look normal, rather than his usual red on black in order to fit in. Rogue, Kitty, Lance and Pietro were in the class as well.

"Now everybody take out your items you were asked to bring from home for your gumbo," Gung Ho said. "Your chicken, sausage, shrimp, crabmeat, oysters…Whatever you find you put in the pot."

"I have fish sticks, veggie burgers, frozen crab Rangoon…" Kitty threw hers into her pot.

"You can eat that?" Rogue asked.

"Yeah like I only don't eat regular meat and besides crab Rangoon is all cream cheese anyway," Kitty told her. "And these aren't really fish sticks. These are those mock fish sticks they serve in the cafeteria, which I know they're not made out of real food and…"

"No I mean **can** you eat that?" Rogue wrinkled her nose as she looked in Kitty's pot. "It's bubbling like crazy!"

"It's supposed to do that!" Kitty told her.

"Yeah when you turn the heat on," Pietro remarked. "Not while you're just starting to put the ingredients in!"

"Boy Lance your stomach is really going to hurt after this class," Remy chuckled.

"Don't remind me…" Lance moaned. Kitty glared at him.

"Now I counted all of these so nobody drink any of 'em," Gung Ho put cans of beer on each desk. "This is for the gumbo!"

"Isn't this like…illegal?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah but I won't tell if you won't," Gung Ho said.

"Did I mention how much I loved this class?" Remy snickered.

"And now we turn up the heat and…" Kitty took off the lid of her pot.

FOOOM!

A huge flame exploded out of the pot. "AAAHHH!" Kitty screamed.

"I am **not** eating that!" Lance shouted.

"Okay now it is time we learn how to properly use the fire extinguisher," Gung Ho gulped. "Pay attention class. You might find this on the test."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Now that's funny!" Tim laughed along with the others.

"Says you…" Kitty groaned. "I like smelled like fried fish for a week!"

"Yeah and that room still has that funny smell last I checked," Pietro grinned. "As well as those burn marks on the ceiling."

"How would you know?" Jean asked him.

"Do you really want the answer to that Jean?" Scott asked.

"Well…" Jean began.

"I check out the school from time to time," Pietro grinned. "Usually on the weekends. I still like to leave little 'surprises' for our former classmates and teachers."

"What do you mean by 'surprises'?" Betsy asked.

"Oh you know," Pietro waved. "Shaving cream bombs in the lockers, mousetraps in the drawers, superglue a few dozen desks to the ceiling, stick tampons all over the boy's locker room, paint the halls with weird colors, set a few bats or other wild animals loose in the classrooms, nothing much. The usual."

"And you've been doing this **how** many times since the mutants were banned from the school?" Kitty asked.

"Oh only five or six dozen times," Pietro shrugged.

"Well I can't say you didn't warn me…" Jean said to Scott.

"This does explain those angry phone calls and letters the Professor gets every now and then," Scott put his hand on the bridge of his nose to stop the impending migraine.

"You haven't been stealing from the lockers again have you?" Kitty asked.

"Not really but I have been switching a few things around," Pietro grinned. "I even turned the principal's office into one giant sundae. It wasn't easy getting all fifty one flavors of ice cream from Baskin Robins in there but the real trick was keeping the hot fudge from sticking until…"

"Oh great!" Scott threw up his hands. "No wonder we keep getting angry letters and every time the Professor even **suggests **that the students return to Bayville High, he gets laughed at right in the face! This is just like back in high school all over again! You guys make the mess and we suffer for it!"

"We didn't **always **make the mess," Todd said. "Hello? Do the words Sadie Hawkins Dance mean anything? We didn't make** that** mess."

"You made enough of them!" Scott said.

"Hey you guys remember when the Baroness was posing as one of our history teachers?" Lance chuckled. "Now that was fun!"

**Let me say right now that I do not advocate giving alcohol to students. I do however advocate giving alcohol to the teachers. They really need it.**

**Next: What happened in that crazy history class? How will the Baroness get tortured? Find out! **


	10. Time To Bother the Baroness

**Time To Bother the Baroness**

"ALL RIGHT YOU MORONS KNOCK IT OFF!" The Baroness screamed.

"But we're just giving you our history report, Ms. Baron," Fred said innocently. "Pietro, Lance and I worked really hard on it."

"Singing the Monty Python song 'Oliver Cromwell' does not constitute a history report!" The Baroness screamed.

"Why not? Is it full of inaccuracies?" Pietro said.

"Well no, maybe…I dunno!" The Baroness raised her hands.

"How can you **not **know?" Pietro shouted. "You're a history teacher! You should **know **these things!"

"You mean you don't know your own country's history! What a travesty!" Pyro called out.

"John, as I have explained **nineteen **times I am **not **British! I am from a small country near Romania," The Baroness groaned. "And for the first time in years I wish I was back there!"

"Well we'll sing and you tell us where we're wrong!" Fred said. "Does that sound fair?"

"You're just going to sing the song anyway no matter what I say aren't you?" The Baroness sighed.

_"Oliver Cromwell…" _Fred sang. _"Lord Protector of England born in 1599 and died in 1658…" _

_"September…" _Pyro and Pietro sang.

"I do not know these people…" Wanda sank down in her seat. "I do not know these people…"

"Stop singing! Stop singing!" The Baroness screamed. But she was ignored.

Fred continued. "A_nd the king fled up north like a bat to the Scots!" _

"What the heck is a Caviler?" Someone called out.

"I think it's a football team," Lance called out. "The King must have lost his shirt gambling and left town to avoid his bookie."

"That makes sense," Pietro said. "He must have bankrupted the royal treasury with his gambling debts. You know betting on the horses and stuff."

"Well no wonder his own people tried to kill him!" Someone else called out.

"You know things are going badly when Fred Dukes is more correct in his history than the rest of the class!" The Baroness put her head down on her desk.

Fred continued. "But under the terms of John Pimm's solemn league, the Scots handed King Charles the First over to…"

_"OLIVER CROMWELL!" _Lance, Pyro and Pietro sang loudly.

"Oh god! I can't believe this!" The Baroness groaned as Fred just kept singing.

"I know," Wanda said. "Who would have thought Fred could sing more than one syllable? _And so the Second Civil War broke out…" _

"Make it stop!" The Baroness banged her head several times on the table.

_"And the King lost again, silly thing…" _By now the entire class was singing. "STUPID GIT!"

"I know **another **stupid git who will pay for putting me through this!" The Baroness screamed as she stood up. "I'VE HAD IT! I'M GOING TO GET A DRINK IN THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE!" She stormed out screaming.

_"OLIVER CROMWELL…" _Everyone in the class was singing.

Pietro stopped and looked at Lance. "So you think she'll crack yet?"

"We're getting there," Lance grinned. "Next class we'll try to figure out how to work in the Lumberjack song. That ought to send her over the edge."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Oh man that is funny!" Kurt laughed along with the rest of the X-Men. "You know I hate it when you do it to us. But when you do it to people who really deserve it…"

"What is going on here?" Logan stormed in. "What's all the laughter about? And why aren't you guys working?"

"We were just taking a break," Ray said. "Remembering some stuff."

"Well break's over! You can remember how to get back to work!" Logan snapped. "And Stripes that doohickey you're wearing is near its time limit! Better go upstairs and change."

"Well," Rogue sighed. She had been holding Remy's hand during the whole time. "It was nice while it lasted."

"Guess we gotta make the most of it," Remy grinned and gave Rogue a huge kiss.

"GUMBO!" Logan roared.

"SWAMP RAT!" Rogue turned red and started to chase Remy. "COME BACK HERE AND DIE LIKE A MAN!"

"I'll stop them before they manage to kill each other," Jean sighed and went after them.

"The rest of you get back to work," Logan ordered. The students made several groans and did so. He walked back into the kitchen where the adults were waiting. "I swear you can't take your eyes off those kids for a minute!"

"Well they have had a stressful few days," Hank told him. "Letting them relax for a moment can't do any harm."

"You knew they were goofing off didn't you?" Logan looked at him.

"They were laughing and talking and nothing was being blown up," Hank said. "What? Suddenly that's a **bad **thing?"

"I see your point," Logan sat down.

"It is odd I admit seeing both groups get along," Roadblock said.

"They have come a long way since their early days haven't they?" Ororo asked.

"Yeah but they're still crazy," Logan grumbled. "We're never going to get any peace with them around!"

"Oh I don't know about that. Things do change. Remember the first time Scott and Jean used the Danger Room?" Xavier raised an eyebrow. "You thought they'd never get the hang of it."

"Wait, were those two really that bad?" Low Light asked.

"You have no idea…" Logan groaned.

**I could not resist sticking in the 'Oliver Cromwell Song'. It was an indirect idea from L170E. He suggested the 'Lumberjack Song' but then I thought this one fit better. **

**Yes, I did learn a lot of my British History thanks to Monty Python, which says a lot about the American educational system. (I knew classmates who couldn't even find our own country on the map!) **

**Next: The first Danger Room session of Scott and Jean. He he…**


	11. The First Danger Room Disaster

**The First Danger Room Disaster**

"Are you sure about this Professor?" Sixteen-year-old Scott Summers looked at the uniform he was wearing. "I mean…spandex?"

"It's not spandex," Xavier grinned. "It's a special polymer cloth whose purpose is to minimize injury. It's not bulletproof however."

"Why does that make me very nervous?" Jean gulped. "Are you sure this is necessary?"

"It's part of your training," Xavier told them. Logan and Ororo were in the briefing room with him.

"Well it is kind of slimming," Jean looked at herself. "So what exactly is this Danger Room again?"

"It's a training area to test and hone your powers," Ororo explained. "As well as your physical and mental abilities."

"So that's what that big room in the basement that you never let us see before is," Jean thought.

"It's safe right?" Scott asked nervously. "I mean we can't really get hurt in there, can we?"

"We'll keep it easy since this is your first time," Logan told him.

"That doesn't answer my question," Scott asked.

"Don't worry," Xavier told him. "You'll be fine. It's nothing you haven't practiced before. Only this time it will be in a controlled environment."

"It'll be a simple simulation," Logan said. "Now your code names are Cyclops and Marvel Girl. The object…"

"Code names? Like superhero names?" Scott interrupted.

"Yes," Logan said. "Now…"

"Why do we need names like that?" Jean asked.

"It's what you call each other in the field in order to hide your identity," Logan began. "Now the test will…"

"Why would we need to do that?" Jean asked.

"Come on Jean, all the cool superheroes in the comics have one," Scott said.

"Don't they also wear **masks** to hide their identities?" Jean asked. "I mean it's easy for you Scott. You have that visor but I don't have anything."

"It's on back order," Logan was getting impatient. "Anything **else **bothering you Marvel Girl?"

"I don't know if I'm comfortable being called that," Jean frowned. "I mean it does sound a little sexist. Marvel _Girl?_ Why not Marvel Woman?"

"Doesn't really sound right," Scott said. "And you are right, that Marvel Girl thing sounds pretty corny."

"I don't believe this…" Logan put his hand on his head.

"Well how about Ms. Marvel?" Jean asked.

"Somebody already has that code name," Logan told her.

"Well can I think about what I want to be called?" Jean asked.

"Well I suppose so," Xavier said.

"Oh for crying out loud," Logan grumbled. He looked at Scott. "Do **you** have a problem with your name?"

"No, I like Cyclops," Scott said. "It's fine. But when you were talking about precautions…"

"Just go in there and we'll get started!" Logan shouted.

"Don't shout at them Logan," Ororo said. "They are new to this. We don't want to scare them."

"Why? Should we be scared?" Jean asked.

"That's what I was saying!" Scott said.

"Charles…" Logan was starting to lose his temper.

"Why don't we head towards the Danger Room shall we?" Xavier said diplomatically. "We can save this discussion for another day."

"Not to mention save what little patience Wolverine has," Ororo grinned.

Soon the adults were upstairs in the control room while Scott and Jean were in the Danger Room. "All right now the object of this exercise is to cross from one side of the room to the other, using your powers to protect you," Logan said.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Scott asked.

"Just get started will ya?" Logan sighed as he began the simulation. He turned off the microphone and watched the students as they began. "I dunno about this Charles."

"They need to learn how to use their powers in dangerous situations," Xavier said. "Besides their control over their powers is much better than when they arrived."

"HEY WATCH IT!" Jean shouted. "YOUR OPTIC BLAST NEARLY HIT ME!"

"Sorry!" Scott cried out. "I was aiming for that…BUZZSAW? AHHH!"

BOOM!

"Yeah they're real pros at it," Logan moaned.

"Logan be patient they are only children and it is their first time," Ororo said.

"JEAN! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE THROWING THOSE THINGS!" Scott shouted.

"YIKES!" Jean shouted. "WHERE DID THAT FLAMETHROWER COME FROM?"

"And what's with this crap about Jean not liking her code name?" Logan snapped.

"Well let her choose one then," Ororo was getting frustrated. "I don't see the problem with that."

"Yes it's not like she's never going to choose one," Xavier said. He looked at the simulation. "Logan…What setting did you put the Danger Room on?"

"A low one, relax," Logan said.

"WATCH IT SCOTT!"

"YOU WATCH IT! BUZZSAWS!"  
"FORGET THE BUZZSAWS! FIRE! FIRE!"

"WHERE?"

"BEHIND THAT WRECKING BALL! AAAAAAHHH!"

"Logan don't you think this is a little extreme for a level one or two session?" Ororo was getting worried.

"One or two?" Logan asked. "Is **that** what you meant by a low level?"

"AAHAHHHHHHH!" Jean was ducking several flaming spears.

"Well, obviously!" Ororo snapped. "What did you **think **I meant?"

"ROBOTS! NOBODY TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT ROBOTS!" Scott shouted. "NOBODY TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT FLAME THROWING ROBOTS!"

"DIE!" Jean screamed at the robots using her telekinesis to throw debris at them.

"What level is this on?" Xavier's eyes widened as he saw "**ELEVEN?** YOU PUT THEM IN A LEVEL **ELEVEN **SIMULATION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE DANGER ROOM?"

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? YOU CALL **THAT **A LOW LEVEL?" Ororo screamed.

"Well it's lower than **twelve!**" Logan snapped.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Scott screamed as he used his optic blasts to blow up everything in sight.

"LET ME OUT!" Jean screamed as her telekinesis went out of control.

"I'm shutting down the system!" Xavier said.

BOOM!

"Uh oh…" Logan looked at the control panel which was starting to sizzle. "That's not good is it?"

"No it is not!" Xavier tried to override the control panel before it exploded in his face.

BOOM!

"Well Cyke's blast stopped that," Logan gulped. The adults went down into the Danger Room. Scott was standing still in shock. Jean was in a sitting position rocking back and forth hugging her knees. Both were slightly singed.

"Scott! Scott!" Logan went up to him. "You okay kid?" He waved his hand in front of Scott's face but got no response.

"DO WE **LOOK **OKAY TO YOU?" Jean snapped, close to tears.

"Jean we're sorry, it was an accident," Ororo bent down to help her. "We let Logan program the Danger Room."

"I wanna go home…"Jean sniffed.

"Come on dear," Ororo helped her up and out of the room. "Let's get you cleaned up and have a nice cup of tea in your room."

"Yeah…My room," Jean whimpered as she was led out. "Where there are no robots or explosions or fires or sharp pointy things and…"

"Scott? Scott?" Xavier asked. "Scott can you hear me?"

Scott slowly looked at him. Then he looked at Logan. Then back to the Professor. "This… is supposed to be a **controlled** environment?"

"Scott I'm sorry…" Xavier sighed.

"You're sorry? **You're** sorry?" Scott's voice was becoming higher and more hysterical. "I was nearly fried shish kabob and **you're **sorry?"

"Scott I promise it won't be like that again…" Xavier began.

"You bet it won't be like that again!" Scott shouted. "There is no way, no how, I am **ever **stepping foot inside this room ever again! YOU HEAR ME! **NEVER** AGAIN! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!" He ran away screaming.

"We just scarred them for life didn't we?" Xavier rubbed his head.

"Well…on the upside at least we know the kids can take care of themselves," Logan winced. "Not bad for their first time."

"This…could take a while," Xavier sighed as he looked at the damage.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"It took us two weeks, five therapy sessions and a few bribes before they got back in," Logan shook his head. "And even then I was banned from training them for over a month."

"Is that why you never gave Jean any grief for not choosing a code name?" Cover Girl asked.

"That's pretty much it," Logan admitted.

"I don't believe it!" Shipwreck said as the adults chuckled.

"Okay I screwed up! I admit it!" Logan said.

"No I mean I don't believe those two freaked out so much over a few flame throwing robots and flying buzzsaws," Shipwreck said. "When Althea was eight, she was facing explosions, robots and throwing stars nearly every morning without a whimper."

"You let the ninjas train Althea like that at a young age?" Ororo was shocked.

"Ninjas?" Shipwreck asked. "I'm talking about the Triplets. You think they're out of control **now,** you should have been there during the terrible twos!"

"He's not kidding," Low Light said. "And this was way before the age of Ritalin."

"My kids have always been natural scrappers," Shipwreck waved. "In fact, I remember one day when Al was only about five years old and I decided to take her grocery shopping. Little did I know another father had the same idea."

**What comes next when you let loose Shipwreck and little Althea at a grocery store with some Joes and some familiar villains? Insanity that's what! I'm gonna close this fic at 15 chapters because I'm running low on ideas. So read and review while my muse is still working! **


	12. Cleanup on Aisle One Two and Three

**Cleanup On Aisle One Two And Three**

"Daddy?" Five year old Althea looked up at her father as they walked into the grocery store. She was wearing ribbons in her hair and had a sailor suit on. "This doesn't look like our usual grocery store. There's food here."

"Well that's because your father usually takes you to a place that's called a package store," Lady Jaye told her. "That's for selling other things. Grown up things."

"Oh you mean that store is where he gets his booze?" Althea asked.

"Yes dear," Lady Jaye said. She glared at Shipwreck. "You're seriously warping this child you know that?"

"It's not like I've been giving her free samples down there," Shipwreck grumbled. "You know you guys didn't have to come."

"Yes we did," Roadblock said. "Someone has to look out for the kid."

Roadblock, Lady Jaye, Low Light and Bazooka were accompanying them. "It's a good thing Mara asked us to keep an eye on you!" Roadblock told him.

"So much for the only advantage of having a wife that lives in a tank most of the time," Shipwreck grumbled.

"Lady Jaye? Can I ask you something?" Althea tugged at Lady Jaye's shirt.

"What is it sweetheart?" Lady Jaye grinned.

"Why do they call it a package store when they sell alcohol?" Althea asked.

"Well because…" Lady Jaye was at a loss for words. "Because…uh…"

"I got this one," Low Light sighed. "You how your Daddy likes to hide his booze from Mommy?"

"Yeah he carries it in these brown bags and doesn't tell her how much he got," Althea nodded. "Then he hides them in a big box in our cellar."

"How do you know that?" Shipwreck asked.

"Mommy pays me a whole dollar to tell her," Althea said truthfully. "And another dollar if I can get the paper stuff you hide in the trash."

"You mean the receipts?" Lady Jaye asked. Althea nodded. "Smart Mommy."

"So they call it a package store 'cause you have to hide the beer in packages?" Althea asked.

"Close enough," Low Light glared at Shipwreck.

"Sweetie," Shipwreck gulped. "How about if Daddy gives you two dollars not to tell Mommy any more?"

"Shipwreck!" Lady Jaye snapped. "You're bribing your own child? That's terrible!"

"Mara started it not me," Shipwreck said. "Think of this as teaching her a lesson in economics. So what do you say kiddo?"

"Make it ten," Althea looked at him.

"She learns fast doesn't she?" Roadblock asked Low Light.

"Ten dollars! Are you crazy?" Shipwreck snapped. "The most you'll get is five!"

"Ten," Althea stared at him. "And I won't tell Mommy about the funny magazines you have down there that you hide too."

"Funny magazines?" Lady Jaye asked. "What kind of funny magazines?" She glared at Shipwreck.

"With pretty ladies who got no clothes on and a lot of makeup," Althea said.

"You've learned how to pick locks haven't you?" Shipwreck winced.

"Snake Eyes taught me," Althea said proudly. "Ten bucks."

"Can you say blackmail?" Low Light snickered. "I knew you could."

"Which is wrong! Wrong! Right Lady Jaye?" Shipwreck appealed to her.

"Oh yes it is," Lady Jaye said. "Except in this case. Pay her the ten bucks mister."

"Fine!" Shipwreck grudgingly took the money out of his wallet. "Getting so a man can't have any secrets around here anymore!"

"Just shut up and let's go," Low Light snapped. "Let's just get the food and get out of here!"

"Hey! Look! They have wine!" Shipwreck pointed to one aisle and went in.

"Get back here you goon!" Lady Jaye snapped. Soon all the Joes were arguing with Shipwreck.

Althea, being the curious young lady she was decided to explore. She soon found herself in the candy aisle where she saw a young girl her age. She had green hair, a black and pink top and black pants with holes in them. She was stuffing candy into her mouth like crazy.

"I don't think you're supposed to eat all that," Althea said.

"Buzz off!" The girl stuffed her face.

"My name's Althea, what's yours?"

"Zanya," The other girl kept stuffing her face.

"I'm gonna be a big sister soon!" Althea chirped. "I can't wait!"

"Who cares?" Zanya snapped.

Althea shrugged and decided to have some candy herself. She reached for one in a different bin when Zanya slapped her hand. "MINE!"

"HEY!" Althea snapped.

"All this candy is mine! So buzz off!" Zanya snapped.

"It is **not **all yours!" Althea shouted. "I want candy too!"

"Too bad! Get lost before I belt you one!" Zanya made a fist.

"Oh yeah! Well maybe I'll belt **you **one!" Althea snarled.

"Just try it!" Zanya shouted.

"Maybe I will!" Althea shouted.

Meanwhile a few aisles over…

"Of all the bloody places we had to shop…" Zartan shouted as he threw a watermelon at the Joes. "DID WE HAVE TO COME HERE TORCH? WAS THIS TRIP REALLY NECESSARY?"

"Aw come on Zartan, you know this is one of the few stores that carry those lime flavored jelly donuts!" Torch said. "Although it wasn't my idea not to bring any weapons here!"

"Look you!" Zarana snapped. "I promised Zartan's stupid girlfriend that we'd look after her kid and have one explosion free day! Buzzer! Get the kid out of here!" She threw some grapes at Lady Jaye.

"I don't have her! Ripper has her!" Buzzer shouted. Then he got hit in the face with a tomato.

"I don't have her! I thought **you **had her!" Ripper shouted.

"Where's my daughter you twits?" Zartan shouted.

"Of all the times we left without our weapons!" Low Light hissed as he threw tomatoes. "Dreadnoks in the grocery store! It figures!"

"We gotta get Althea out of here!" Shipwreck shouted. "Where is she?"

"You lost her **again?"** Lady Jaye shouted.

"Oh great!" Roadblock groaned. "Where could she be?"

Suddenly they saw two five year olds fighting, knocking everything over. "Althea!" Shipwreck shouted.

"Zanya!" Zartan shouted.

"Doo doo head!" Zanya shouted.

"Rat face!" Althea shouted back.

"That's my kid!" Zartan and Shipwreck shouted. They looked at each other. **"Your kid?"**

"Zartan has a kid?" Low Light gasped. All the Joes and the Dreadnoks stopped fighting. "Great! Just what we need, Dreadnoks: The Next Generation!"

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Both girls rolled around causing chaos.

"Oh isn't that cute?" Shipwreck grinned. "Their first little brawl."

Zartan sniffed. "They grow up so fast."

"Torch get the camera!" Buzzer called out as the girls trashed the aisle. "We gotta tape this!"

"Get her Althea!" Shipwreck shouted. "Kick her butt!"

"No way! Tear her bloody head off!" Zartan shouted.

"Yeah right!" Shipwreck shouted. "Ten to fifty **my** daughter kicks**your **daughter's butt!"

"You're on!" Zartan shouted.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Okay so I got yelled at for hours when I brought Althea home with a black eye," Shipwreck sighed. "But the sight of her giving it to that little Dreadnok drip was worth it. Not to mention the fifty bucks I won! You know she still has a lock of green hair she tore out from that fight?"

"Unbelievable," Hank looked at him.

"I know, she's always been a toughie," Shipwreck beamed with pride.

"No, what's unbelievable is that you have been allowed to not only **procreate **but to be allowed **near **your offspring!" Hank said. "Let alone raise them and I use that term loosely!"

"Frightening isn't it?" Low Light asked. "And people call **mutants** freaks!"

"I'm amazed Althea is as sane as she is the more I hear about her life with you," Logan remarked. "Not to mention being so good with money."

"Tell me about it," Shipwreck grumbled. "She kept up that little racket right up until Mara left me. Near the end of our marriage I was paying her over a hundred bucks a week!"

"The scary thing is he has two more little minds to warp from scratch," Roadblock pointed out. "Lord I worry about Barney and Claudius."

"At least Barney doesn't have Shipwreck's DNA," Low Light pointed out. "So there's a **chance** he could grow up sane."

"I like babies," Shipwreck said. "They're cute and they can't squeal on you. It's when they start talking and getting into your magazine collection they become annoying."

"Remember when the Triplets were little?" Cover Girl said. "And we first found out how smart they were?"

"Ohhhhh…" Shipwreck winced. "That was scary!"

"What happened?" Xavier asked.

"What **didn't **happen?" Shipwreck groaned.


	13. The Dawn of Evil

**The Dawn of Evil**

"I really appreciate you coming over and helping Mara with the kids," Shipwreck said to Cover Girl as they approached his house. "I mean I got a Greenshirt watching the kids with her today but they can be a handful."

"Well with a wife stuck in a tank and four kids…" Cover Girl said. "Is that smoke?"

"Oh no!" Shipwreck ran inside. "What in the seven seas happened here?" The furniture was scorched and smoking. There were holes in the walls and the female Greenshirt was in a corner rocking back and forth.

"Puppies and kittens…" She whimpered. "Puppies and Kittens."

"DADDY!" Seven year old Althea ran in carrying a burned bunny doll. "The babies hurt Mr. Big Ears! And they made a mess!"

"What?" Shipwreck asked. Suddenly he heard deranged laughter. His eyes widened when he saw a small crib flying through the halls with three two-year-old girls laughing. He was nearly knocked over. By the contraption.

"GO BOOM!" The girls giggled as they held some weird device made out of tinker toys, Lego big blocks and something glowing. Cover Girl ducked as they used it to blow up the door and flew off laughing.

"What the…" Shipwreck was in shock. "How did…?"

"I don't know what they did but the refrigerator is all broken," Althea tugged on his arm and dragged him into the kitchen. "See!"

"This thing looks like it was torn apart!" Shipwreck gasped. He looked at the Greenshirt who was being held by Cover Girl. "What the hell happened?"

"Fire…Big fire…Explosions…" The Greenshirt whimpered. "Find my happy place…Puppies and Kittens."

"I had nothing to do with this!" Althea shouted. "I tried to stop them and they locked me in the closet. And Mommy's in the basement."

"The basement?" Shipwreck gasped.

"It's okay, the babies flooded the entire basement with water so she can breathe," Althea said.

"WHAT?" Shipwreck gasped.

Cover Girl's communicator rang. She answered it. "Yes? What? How did they…? We'll be right there! Shipwreck your kids just got control of a tank!"

"What? How is that **possible?**" Shipwreck asked.

"They're your kids!" Cover Girl snapped.

Several hours and a few explosions later…

"Psyche Out how is it possible that three two year old little girls managed to wreck half a base?" General Hawk growled. He was in the medical lab with Cover Girl, Shipwreck, Beach Head and Althea. Shipwreck's wife Mara was in a tank with a communication system in it so she could hear and speak. Due to a Cobra experiment, Mara was unable to breathe out of the water. The babies were in a large playpen playing with some toys.

"PUNISH THEM!" Althea pointed to her sisters. "PUNISH THEM!"

"We'll get to that sweetie," Cover Girl said.

"I WANT VENGEANCE!" Althea cried. "They hurt Mr. Big Ears!"

"What did I say about you calling me names?" Beach Head snapped. His arm was in a sling.

"She meant her doll," Cover Girl glared at him.

"Oh…I knew that," Beach Head gulped.

"You're lucky that tank ran out of gas when it did otherwise we wouldn't have a base left!" Hawk said.

"Well I've been observing them and discovered they can do many fascinating things," Psyche Out said. "Did you know they figured out how to take apart large electrical objects all by themselves?"

"We do **now!**" Mara snapped. "But how? And why?"

"According to these test scores their IQ's are extremely high," Psyche-Out said. "They're easily in the genius level."

"**Shipwreck's **kids are geniuses?" Cover Girl gasped.

"They must take after their mother," Beach Head grumbled.

"Children who have these genius traits at this young an age are easily bored and very curious," Psyche Out said. "And their mutant physiology makes them more mobile and coordinated than most children their age."

"So what do we do?" Mara asked.

"PUNISH THEM!" Althea screamed.

"No sweetie," Psyche Out said kindly. "They're too young to know what they're doing."

"Wanna bet?" Althea told him.

"What we need to do is to give the children projects that will keep them occupied," Psyche-Out said. "Allow them to grow yet have loving discipline and boundaries."

BOOM!

"HOLY CRAP!" Shipwreck startled as he saw the smoking side of the playpen. The triplets had made a hole in it with some strange device and were trying to crawl away.

"And if that doesn't work we could always put Nyquil in their juice and hope it knocks 'em out cold," Psyche Out gulped.

"Oh you're **some** help!" Cover Girl snapped as she tried to corral the triplets.

"How in the world could three two year olds make an explosive out of building blocks, apple juice and a Cabbage Patch Doll?" Hawk shouted as he held up the device.

"Hmmm…They may be smarter than I thought," Psyche-Out said.

"Ya think?" Shipwreck snapped.

"Hawk…" Beach Head gulped. "I'm afraid. Very afraid…"

"**You're** afraid?" Mara shouted. "I have to **live** with them!"

"You have good reason to be afraid," Hawk told them. "Somebody call Cobra, they're no longer the biggest threat to the world! Shipwreck's kids are!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"To this day I have no idea how we managed to get those girls past the age of ten without blowing up the Pit," Shipwreck shook his head. "They blew up a few other places…"

"Well having ninjas and soldiers watching them twenty four seven didn't hurt," Roadblock sighed. "Even though **we **got hurt several times!"

"They did blow up our back up base when they were three," Cover Girl said. "Don't ask how."

"Maybe it's a good thing I never found the girls with Cerebro," Xavier winced.

"Yeah who knows what the little maniacs would have done with it," Logan moaned.

"Well we all must be doing **something **right," Cover Girl said. "Despite all the insanity that happens around here the kids are mostly good. We've even turned some members of the Brotherhood around."

"Yeah out of all the kids we've been taking care of only one of them turned out to be a bad apple," Low Light said.

"And you call **me** an idiot?" Shipwreck smacked Low Light on the head with a newspaper. "She's sitting right there you know?" He pointed to Ororo.

"Hey! It's not like Evan was her fault!" Low Light said. "Sorry Storm."

"That's quite all right," Ororo sighed. "Looking back on it now…There were signs. I just wish I could have…"

"I know how you feel," Xavier sighed. "In my case it's Magneto I failed. You have to understand he wasn't always the man he is now. But he'd seen so much tragedy in his life…"

"That doesn't excuse the things he's done," The Blind Master said.

"Well this has turned into a depressing conversation," Low Light grumbled. "I liked it better when we were talking about the kids."

"You're right," Ororo said. "You have to admit they've come a long way since…"

Suddenly the ground shook. "THAT'S IT ALVERS!" Scott shouted. "YOU'RE DEAD!"

"NOT IF I GET HIM FIRST!" Peter shouted.

"PIETRO YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT!" Wanda screamed.

BOOM!

"TABITHA! WATCH IT!" Ray shouted. "ALL RIGHT THIS MEANS WAR!"

The adults cringed when they heard the sounds of fighting in the next room. "Then again…some things **never **change," Ororo sighed.

**Yes this fic is over, mostly because I have a lot of other fics I want to work on! Hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I have writing it! **


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